Archive for May, 2013

Change

Posted: May 12, 2013 in Uncategorized

This post is written to and for everyone who has wanted to change but couldn’t. People who know better than to do what they’re doing but feel, and have proven to themselves and others, that they are powerless. People lost in repetitive patterns. People stinging from the ridicule of scorn of others and self-scorn. The shame and guilt of not being able to change what you need to leads to despair like no other. I know this. For I lived this. Notice the tense; lived. 

 “People don’t change.”
We all hear this. Hear it from others and inside our own heads. Well to all who say that people don’t change I say this- Yeah right. Take the blinders off your vision. Yeah vision, not eyes. Because so many can see with their eyes, and I’m asking you to see and process with your eyes, mind, and heart. In this life taking things at face value can kill you. You must see the whole picture. When you see the whole picture you’ll see that people change all the time. Yeah, mostly little changes. But lives do get changed too. Mine sure has. Just over a year ago I was so lost in despair I wanted to die and made an attempt to do so. I was being tormented by two kinds of despair. Despair that I had consciously bought into based on my actions, and despair that was not of my choosing or wanting. More on unwanted thoughts and emotions in a minute. But for now, know I have went from the point of killing myself to choosing to live, learning to live, and loving life. Change does happen. People can and do change.
 
  I have known people who cut. People who drink. People who drug. People who anger. People who constantly reach for something or someone to make them feel better. People who have despair and death on speed dial. People, myself included, who just want to feel better. Where we get into trouble is what we choose and/or do to feel better. A friend told me that cutting gave her a rush that made her feel better. I think many would say their drink, drug, anger, or control gives them a rush. But what does despair and death offer? For me it offered a release from this life. That was my fix. These “fixes” are short term gains creating long term pains. Time to break the cycle. Time to feel genuinely good on the inside with just who we are. No more, no less. We can do this. I do it everyday. 

  A special paragraph for those who’s illness and/or pasts give them unwanted harmful thoughts and emotions. It’s hard enough to change when all you need to change are your beliefs. Try adding thoughts and feelings that you no longer want in the mix. Thoughts of temptation, feelings of longing, whispers in your head to go back to what you knew. This is very difficult to overcome. But I’m here to tell you it’s very possible. And through the hard work of getting out of the hole you’re in you’ll find yourself so much stronger and better that what you’ve thought you are. 

  For me, it’s been about learning and implementing what I’ve learned. I learn what’s true and real and apply it even when my thoughts and feelings say or even scream no. This is important- thoughts and feelings can, do, and will lie at times. That truth can liberate you from being a slave to your thoughts and emotions. For me, when I heard and hear from my thoughts and emotions that everything is a mess I take inventory quickly and see if I need to do or change something. After securing that, I know now this is just my body being silly. I simply remind myself that all is well and move forward. As I move forward the thoughts and feelings fade. I call it staying on course with the truth.

  For you, your course to healthy may be very different. You can do it. The most important thing you can have is a belief and drive to change. Never give up on yourself again. You will love you for who you really are, I guarantee it. I don’t know what all your road to recovery contains, but I do know that you can handle it and it’s worth the pain. And this pain grows you, doesn’t destroy you.In closing, thank you for taking the time to read this. Know I consider myself a very unschooled writer. More than anything, I just want to share what I’ve learned.

  Time for me to say thank you to all who have helped and do help me on my journey. This post could not be written, let alone believed and practiced daily, without you.

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